Existential questions

Before I start, let me repeat my disclaimer, since you humans are so fond of such things: "this is not an official Department of State website, and the views and information presented are my own and do not represent the Fulbright Program or the Department of State."

On Sunday evening mom went to Sofia for the "100 Days in Bulgaria" Fulbright celebration, where U.S. Fulbrighters were to give presentations on their experiences so far. The presentations were divided into two categories, in mom's opinion: there were the 'happy' presentations, those by people who loved every single thing, from the banitsa to the carriages to their students. Lucky them. Everybody loved that part.

Then there was the other kind of presentation: the one that mentioned some of the happy things, but also pointed out the negative ones, and offered food for thought and suggestions for improvement. This latter kind was not received too well.

Mom's presentation fell somewhere in the middle. She decided to play it safe and only mention briefly and indirectly some possible 'issues' for discussion, a hint that was subtle enough to go unnoticed, which it did. This was done on purpose, so mom was not particularly hurt. This was not the case with some of the other presenters, however.

Now, let me say that according to mom, the Fulbright crew is an amazing one. These are truly devoted people, who came to Bulgaria with the best intentions to do research, teach, offer their best to a country that they thought needed and deserved their best.

The first disillusionment came from realizing that what may be needed is not necessarily wanted. Some of these scholars took sabbaticals and traveled more than 7 time zones, only to be invited to a couple of lectures throughout the semester. Some keep trying to do community outreach and introduce new programs, only to be told that this is a good idea for the future, but now. And others are just given loads of teaching, that doesn't leave any time for research or innovation.

All that is something that one can face with a stoic approach to life: after all, success is a relative thing and never guaranteed in such situations. There are so many factors involved, and local resistance is not an uncommon phenomenon. But to be discouraged from making recommendations based on personal experience, and to be denied the right to offer constructive criticism, is a hard blow. It makes one wonder, what's the point of it all?

These are moments that I feel really grateful for being a dog. Mom came back from Sofia quite sad and disillusioned, but glad that she's not alone in feeling like a mere warm body, appreciated for the free labor but not encouraged to offer any feedback. That's something I guess.